I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
