We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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