i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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