i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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