i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
