Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
