the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
