i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
