hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
