i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
