do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
