I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
