i was rollin on her like bob the builder
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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