Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
