carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
