Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
