Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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