i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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