is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
