My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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