I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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