I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
