When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't deserve a penis
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
