I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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