OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
