New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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