I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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