Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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