I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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