Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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