Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
