After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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