doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
