I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
