Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
