I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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