and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
