i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
