...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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