ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
