One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
