So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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