i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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