At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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