If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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