first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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