can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
