my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
