I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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