Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
