Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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