i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
