You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
