My friends, they love my intelligence
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He felt like a one man threesome
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
